The Good

Why Are You Single?

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Why are you single? I swear if one more person asks me this question. The easy answer is, “I just haven’t found the right person”. But the truth is it’s a lot more complicated than that. Let’s face it. Dating is hard, especially in this day and age. As an 80’s baby, I am used to 90’s R&B where lyrics talked about “knocking the boots” but they also said, “come and talk to me”. I was used to guys approaching girls wherever they were; whether it was the mall, the skating rink, or in the school hallway. But as I am now in my thirties I find it more and more difficult to meet “a good guy”. Nowadays people would rather text than pick up the phone and “Netflix and chill” rather than plan a date.

Yes, I would like to find a companion to spend my time with. I would like to have a permanent plus one. So what do I do?
Well, I’ve been told to go out. True, this is definitely one way to meet people. But sometimes easier said than done. As we continue to get older our focus starts to veer towards moving up in our careers and becoming more financially stable. We spend more time at work than having fun with friends. And I hate to say these words, “I’m getting old”. But the truth is after a long day at work, I’m tired. So, no, I don’t feel like getting cute, driving in rush hour traffic, fighting to find a parking space to get to happy hour for the potential of maybe, perhaps, hopefully meeting a nice guy that I click with. Writing that just made me tired all over again! You mean to tell me he’s not just going to knock at my door knowing that I’m sitting here on this couch waiting for him?

Ok, so if going out on the town seems to be a struggle, how about online dating? In this tech era, it makes perfect sense. Times have changed and social media is at its ultimate high. However, when you date online, you have so many choices that I don’t think it forces you to focus on one person. We live in a society where we love to have choices. Do you ever find a song that you like on the radio, but you switch stations just to make sure there’s not a song you like better? On-line dating is similar for me. It feels like you meet a guy, you start talking, things seem promising, and then ghost. Is it because he just got messaged by someone else? Did he just change my station to see what else was on?

Online also gives you the opportunity to expand your criteria by age, race, educational level, and location. The possibilities to turn your attention elsewhere are endless. Maybe back in the day it’s not that we settled, maybe we just didn’t have as many options. It forced us to put our energy into one person, and if you didn’t that was frowned upon. You were labeled as a player. I think online is a great tool for casual dating and social interaction. But not so much for building a natural connection that leads to a committed relationship.
So why am I single? I’m an old school girl living in a new school world. An 80’s baby trapped in a social media, tech filled society where I just want to talk on the phone until the wee hours of the morning, with Jodeci playing in the background. I’m a girl who is waiting for an old school guy to approach me in an old school kinda way. And maybe that’s the problem…

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