I keep thinking I am going to come back from this lull in writing stronger and so inspiring, and I honestly just feel beaten. Do you mind if I share a page out of my personal journal? 2017 has been like walking through fire.
Journal Entry- 9.21.17
Ever have unusual struggles, not the kind you add to a prayer chain, you isolate yourself to keep your friends from noticing, you keep up appearances on social media because it is easier to tell a lie than tell the truth? It is easy to be social with a device in hand because for a second, its nice to pretend you’re not scattered on the floor. Ever had a problem that would shock your loved ones? The kind where people’s response is “oh” which reminds you why you were keeping it inside in the first place? I have had a hell of a year feeling under attack. Instead of fueling for war and gaining momentum on the struggle and saying “not today, Satan” I have had to truly look at my priorities, thoughts, actions, reactions, family and friends and truly assess what is better-ing and what is no good for my well being. A filtering process if you will. Such as, not exasperating myself for one-sided relationships, liars and fake people. Not because I am bitter or because I am offended, just because my day-to-day responsibilities are taking everything I got right now. Literally every bit I got. This season of life is about getting healthy and focusing on who needs me and who I need too. Do not mistake this as a post to encourage you to write people out of your life when things get hard, I highly encourage you to fight for those who believe in you! I am referencing the people who take more than they give.
I am certain the seed felt buried alive too when it was shoved under the dirt.
– The Bohemian Farm Girl
While I am referencing gardening, I think about the flower pot I broke last summer. I glued it back. And wouldn’t you know it chipped on the other side a couple weeks back… do you know where it was strongest? The broken place. With that being said, it is ironic that the weak people make the strong stronger. It seems like they want to bring us down, make us equals. And there are moments it feels like they are going to succeed to bring you/us down. You know what I am talking about, when that one person says that one thing that sets you off?! But you are one of the strong ones and adversity may hit hard, but do you know what happens when a strong person walks through the fire? They become the fire. Then the strength of the fire grows. People around you marvel at your strength.
Here’s Where It Gets Good
Here’s the magic piece- it is not avoiding the hardship, that will happen. It is not avoiding people who will bring you down, burdened people are at every corner. It is not even the person who can walk through fire and come out the other side. The secret to truly being a strong person is still having the ability to harness the fire to have grace from within, to use the fire for warming those near you who deserve empathy and empowerment. Having a fierce strength does not mean burning all those around you down to lift yourself up. That may look like fire but that is simply revenge. True strength harnesses the hardship and takes the power it had over your life and transforms it into a purposeful passion.
True strength harnesses the hardship and takes the power it had over your life and transforms it into a purposeful passion.
– The Bohemian Farm Girl
How Does This Apply To You?
Let me ask you something, what is the weakest part of you? What is the part of you that you hate you struggle with? Why do you think that is? How do you start making it your greatest victory? Right now. Right where you are. Change it. It is too big to just change, right? I totally feel you. Nothing can completely change overnight. But what if tomorrow you start the day with the nearly impossible dream that it does not have to define you anymore? What if you meditate on that thought for 5 minutes tomorrow, what would it unlock for you? How would you see yourself? Start there. Start with the idea of not accepting it will always define you. Little by little, day by day you will become the person you have yearned to be.
I do not know what this coming year looks like for you, I pray it is nothing like the one I just had. But even if it is, I can know I am fire. And you are fire too. I can tell myself, I will come out stronger, better and more fierce than I have ever been. I am not going to feel sorry for myself or be jaded or scornful towards others. I am going to use that fire to burn a light to lead others, lead them to where their thirst and hunger can be quenched. There is a saying, they threw bricks at me, and I used them to make a pedestal. Let us not cry ‘whoa is me’ about the hand we were dealt….. let us be the fire.