Hello Amazing Soul! How is 2018 treating you thus far?
I know I’ve already checked some things off of my bucket list for the year, one being a huge speaking engagement in front of 400+ people!! (AHHH)
My message was “Situations are signs for your growth.”
I know sometimes it’s really hard to see the bright side, especially when it feels like crap, and there’s nowhere you can go to release the pain you feel.
Do you feel me on this? OK, keep reading.
So, about two years ago I had this nudge of intuition that made me check my shared phone bill. Low and behold, I had stumbled onto something that would catapult me into greatness. (Yes, that’s right.)
What I discovered is that I was being cheated on (cue in Beyonce voice “Are you cheating on me…?”)
It hurt. Really bad.
Especially for a confident woman who has claimed her seat here on earth as Queen, but this shit ripped my heart out.
Like out of my chest, and onto the floor.
Now, I’ve had some previous heartbreaks… but this one was different.
I couldn’t just shake it off and walk away.
I knew it was beckoning for me to find meaning; beckoning for me to LOOK in the mirror.
It was beckoning me to know what it meant to show up, when I really didn’t feel like it, and to REALLY look at my worth, value, and “self-love meter” in a way that I never have before.
Well, that’s what I had to discover.
And I did.
After countless hours spent alone, traveling to distant places, rekindling the fire of love with my spouse, reading, writing, meditating, oh, and crying, I realized that I had to create an immediate shift in perspective on the situation itself.
We all do. All the time.
I always share how often we wait for a fire to change, we wait for the moment when we have had enough to PUSH us to change, but it’s not always coming as you think it is.
You see I was PRAYING for my relationship to find peace and balance. I was praying that we’d become better… we did.
THIS situation showed me that and so much more.
It showed me that our intuition is NEVER wrong, it just comes down to know when THAT voice is speaking to us. It taught me about love without condition, and forgiveness happening face-to-face with the person who caused your pain. It taught me the undeniable value of presence and speaking to your spouse directly to understand, and not in these circles of accusations and smart remarks. It taught me about vulnerability. It taught me about worth, and how people make choices based off of their own worth and beliefs. It taught me that we all have some hideous thing we’ve done that we’d want to be forgiven, and it taught me about LOVE.
Yup, all that… and some!
I’ve always known that our situations should never determine our destiny; which I have not. Going from a traumatic childhood to domestic violence, and being raped and held captive… I’d say I’m doing pretty well.
However, ALL situations that bother us to the core are signs for us to get our internal shit together, because usually when you think you’ve got it all together, here comes another life lesson.
Unlike many others who choose to be bitter, hateful, and downright angry… (watch my YouTube, I was there too.) I chose to FEEL the pain. I chose to sit with it, analyze it, and to seek the lessons. Although my ego was screaming to me it wasn’t my fault, and he deserves to suffer in seeing me walk away, it wasn’t that easy for me.
Even though at times me leaving really meant I didn’t have to look at him and get jolted with the pain that was so heavy to me. Staying (for me) was the test. It was the lesson.
Now, it’s not a one-size fits all kinda story but it is one that provides us with an insight into how ugly situations can get. As well as how they SHOULD yield a much better us if we really desire to be free.
I chose to be free and to allow this experience to make me greater. I chose to look at the negative feelings of unworthiness, guilt, shame, and anger, sitting at my door as I closed it, not allowing them to stay for too long.
This is life. It may not always be pretty, and a lot of times we must simply WAIT for the pain of the situation to subside, but that doesn’t mean life can’t go on with a smile.
“Situations” are signs for your growth.
What are YOUR situations teaching you? What emotions do you run from feeling? How can you learn from them? How can you find gems stored in each thing that pulls and tugs at your heartstrings?
Discover the lessons in your tragedies and that’s HOW you create catalyst moments of massive change out of the worst situations.
Push through… K?
Lots of Love & light,
Ebony M. Tutora