If you're a control freak, you genuinely don't want yourself to be happy. Your fear of vulnerability is why you don't feel nice things.
Don't focus on trying to be 'the best'. Focus on being irreplaceable.
Just remember that you dictate your value and you are more than allowed to have standards for yourself no matter how high they are to others.
If you are in crisis of who you are and your self-image, then everything is going to be distorted because of one crisis that hasn’t been resolved.
Pastor A.R Bernard