The Good

Don’t Renovate Your Date


The most popular television shows watched now are on home renovations and reconstruction. People love to watch an old home have new life breathed into it or remodeled and made into something more modern and appealing. You can’t flip past 10 stations without seeing a home Reno show. Leave it to Bryan, Holmes on Holmes, The Property Brothers and Love it or List it are just a few of my favorites. I watch them most Sunday mornings before breakfast to relax and sometimes when I want to just zone out. It’s the ones that showcase an old home, fallen down and on its last legs that really turns me on. It’s so thrilling and exciting to watch the process, which is to no surprise to any of my friends I have ever confessed this indulgence to. Why? Because over the years they have watched me through my dating life renovations. I loved this process so much, I even wanted to create a television show based on my theories and successes. I still might, so this statement copyrights my idea, right? My flips and renovations have never worked out in the long run for me, but often they have worked in someone else’s favor. None the less, it’s the process that I have found fascinating.

 I know I am not alone in my madness. Like a mad dating scientist, I have worked my magic. Think about how many times you have met someone, looked at them and thought, if only their hair was cut more like Brad Pitt, body firmer like Dwayne Johnson or more stylish like David Beckham. Scratch that. How many times have you looked at a prospective date and thought, I wish they looked LIKE David Beckham? If you said yes, then there is still hope for my tv show concept. 
Sometimes when you meet someone, you like some things, but you don’t like all things. We go through a self-analysis daily, when we get up, look in the mirror, pick out clothing, so why would we not do it to someone else? You like their hair, but it’s too long. Their clothes are outdated. You don’t like their cologne scent. I felt these things about men I have dated too, some things I changed quickly so we could continue dating, while others were more painfully slow in transition. I remember meeting an incredibly nice guy with baggy clothes, his hair was receding and looked like he hadn’t been on a date in years. I felt he didn’t see what I saw when he looked in the mirror. There was potential, just like when you find a house that love, that you will build memories in and grow to be emotionally attached to. Same feelings you would have when you meet someone you like. I agreed to go on a date with him. He was so happy and couldn’t believe that I would go out on a date with him in the first place. I agreed to go on a second date with him, but not until we went shopping. He agreed to spend close to two-thousand dollars on new clothes after we threw out 6 garbage bags full of his old clothing.He was thrilled to have a new look. I then sent him to a hair stylist to get his hair, what little he had left, shaved down so he could embrace a look like Bruce Willis. It was shaved to the wood and he looked fantastic. Before he was renovated he looked more like someone’s dad and who wants to sleep with someone who has the old, dad vibe going on? Not me. This guy had it going on now, but sadly only on the outside. On the inside he was still someone’s dad and it didn’t matter how much I changed the outside, his insecurity about what he now looked like grew. This feeling ran deep within him too. He was insecure to start with and now even more so and it didn’t matter that he looked amazing. His thoughts just could not get caught up with what he saw when he now looked in the mirror. Women like to fix things and I felt like a contractor of sorts, not a realtor though, so I could not sell him on his new look. I eventually got worn out trying to convince him he looked great and that I found him desirable. The renovation cost him money, cost me time and in the end , he looked great, but there was no return for me. Not one single dollar and no relationship. I guess the value though lies in if it mattered in the long run. How was the resale value to him? He did go on to keep his renovation up. I saw him years later and he had a page-boy hat on, cool jeans and a fitted shirt and I said to my girlfriend who was with me at the time,” I dated that and I reno’d that.” Meaning, I overhauled him. I further checked in and he had lots of photos on his Facebook page, styled and pictured with different women. It didn’t work out too badly for him after.
  Not every renovate your date or mate works out for you, so I did not give up on the first try. Would you give up on the first flip of a house or renovation if it did not work out how you planned? No, you change your attempt and don’t choose homes that need quite so much work. I attempted some other minor flips after that. Getting guys to jazz up their shirts they wear out instead of hoodies was simple, making color choices that were more appropriate to their looks and I even sent men to hair stylists to get more up to date hair choices. All for their own good of course, as there would not be any more dates if they kept doing what they were doing. Is that so bad? Making some changes for the better? Any time I would go out with a renovated date, women would swoon and compliment them and their confidence and egos would soar. All seems well and good right? Perhaps. But, like houses, you can fix it up on the outside, but there are always internal things you don’t see. Much like people. You can not foresee these things and should be more mindful. You have to fall for someone as they are, not as you would like them to be. Falling in love with potential doesn’t work.  In the end, if you don’t like the way your potential love interest is in the beginning, chances are when you are done with renovating them in the end, you won’t want to love it, you will want to list it. Trust me ladies, all that effort into overhauling someone for your desires and someone else will most likely buy it. My advice would be to love it or leave It. Invest in a house instead.
Orlena Cain


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