Did you ever see yourself here? Alone to raise your child by yourself with little to no help? Why did he have to leave you like that? Why is he still not stepping up and doing his part? Better yet, why does he get all the breaks when you can’t even pee in peace let alone have a few drinks and dinner with your girls. Ever felt like you had to look the part of having it all together until your kid has a meltdown beyond your control? it’s not fair… I know I’ve been there.
At the time when you find out you’re pregnant, you were already still trying to figure out life. Navigating your way through what you feel you should be doing when you really don’t even know what that is. You’re still establishing yourself, getting your mental let alone, emotional mind right. Then, that test comes back positive! And you find out you’re pregnant. Now who the hell has time to get themselves right? 9 months pass, it’s that last push of relief as your eyes are set on this beautiful human being. And you think to yourself — this is what the missing piece in my life was. What I wish somebody would have told me was that “shit is about to get real.” you and your baby are figuring each other out so you put aside what you had been trying to accomplish post baby; getting yourself right.
A couple years past now, and you think to yourself who am I? Who was I before being someone’s mom? Parenting itself is hard enough, but when you can’t answer what people think are some of the most basic questions, now that’s some hard shit to come to grips with.
As a parent, you can’t allow your children to see you fall, let alone have a breakdown. Keeping it together while you’re still navigating through life on top of being a parent has been one of my biggest struggles. And some of my fellow moms too. Which inevitably makes us ourselves the biggest critic of all. We are too hard on ourselves. Then to think when we take our first break away from our kiddos, we feel like shit. But why? We’re good moms, we deserve it!
It truly does take a village to raise a child. Make sure your village is secure in genuinely being there for you and your child. Don’t think twice when you ask for help. Let your ego and pride aside. Get back to what made you happy. Mani & Pedi days? Hair salon? Quick trip to the beach or your favorite restaurant with your girls? If money is tight, try to make it if not once or every other week, one a month at least. You need it for your sanity. It took me 3 1/2 years to accept I can’t do all this by myself. I have my family. And I thank God for them every day.
So my dearest mommy, don’t be so hard on yourself. Take some ‘me time’ even if it’s a few moments for clarity. Take a moment to reflect on how far you’ve come. How strong you were and how soft you’ve become. That heartache you couldn’t bare to get over, it’s gone which in essence has made you all the wiser. Your struggles even now have given you strength to keep going. Applaud yourself even when you’re credit isn’t given by others. Look at your baby and that smile is all the reassurance you need. You’re doing a phenomenal job mama.
xo – P