“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions” – Brené Brown
Whether we like to admit it or not, our past relationships define us all in some way. We may regret them, miss them or say that we hate them, but our exes have had a part of our lives that we can’t get back, so we may as well try and embrace it as much as we possibly can. We live in a world where it appears to be quite easy to get rid of our ex and take a very ‘out of sight and out of mind’ approach, but in deleting our exes from our minds as well as our profiles, does this mean that we are less likely to learn a lesson from the experience?…
When it comes to break ups, I personally don’t think there is a one size fits all solution to dealing with them, I just think that you have to do what is best for you in your situation, which is a completely different discussion of its own. One of the challenges we face nowadays is the question of whether we should delete our exes from social media (which I have unashamedly googled – for research purposes only of course). There are several answers to this questions but the overwhelming response is yes if you are stalking your ex, think they may be stalking you or you think that seeing what each other are doing will be detrimental to the healing process. I guess it’s a bit like expecting to be friends in real life straight after you’ve broken up, because in reality one of you is going to have to move on first and therefore it’s normally easier to have that period of no communication. One thing I would say is that if you are going to delete your ex from social media, please do not do it in order to make a statement. Be true to yourself, because if you’re blocking and deleting as a form of weaponry to trigger the ‘why have you deleted me?’ bomb, your attack may backfire. Likewise, if your ex blocks and deletes you after a break up, especially if it was one initiated by you, then it is probably best to give them the space they have asked for rather than questioning their motive.
The danger of cutting the social media cord with your ex is that by blocking them out completely, you may risk passing up on an invaluable life lesson. For most of us it’s not that often in our lives that we allow a stranger to get to know us better than anyone else, so it seems only right that we take as much from it as we can in order to enrich ourselves in return for all of the investment we can’t get back. I am lucky enough to be able to say that my last relationship ended pretty amicably and that my ex is a great person. He was instrumental in restoring my confidence, supported me in beginning my career and made me feel that I am capable of achieving anything I want if I put enough work in. I realise that not everyone has things this easy, but I also had to come to terms with the fact that I did cling onto the relationship for fear of not wanting to be alone, and therefore I still have a lot to work on.
What I am saying is that whether you have a good ex, twat ex, crazy or cheating ex, there is always something worthwhile to be learnt, so by all means stop yourself being distracted by the memories, but try not to block the relationship out of your mind forever. Even with the worst break ups, given a boost from our support network and a little bit of work on ourselves we can always come out the other side as a better and stronger person. I am a definitely a believer that no relationship should be considered a waste of time, because at the very least you have learnt what you do or don’t like, and what you will look for next time.
If you would like to contact me, or there is something you think I should write about please contact me via Instagram @charlycharlyel or e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org